Lost Dreams
by Hoshi-Gazer
Summary: For Auruo, he only sees glimpses of his lost dreams when he sees Petra looking at the corporal.


When I first read the manga, I couldn't even remember the names of Rivaille's squad. The second time I read the manga, I remembered who Petra was and I started to like her, but...we all know what happened.

The third time I saw the scene, which was when _the_ anime episode was released, it broke my heart seeing them die because I had grown a bit attached to them. A certain screenshot of Auruo smiling kindly at Petra when she wasn't looking was posted, and there were theories that he imitated Rivaille because Petra admired the corporal. Therefore, the speculations were that Auruo had imitated Rivaille in order for Petra to notice him.

If you are wondering about the breathtaking artwork, the artist is_ Nekorage_ on Tumblr! Thank you for allowing me to use your artwork!

* * *

_Lost Dreams_

* * *

Petra used to have long hair.

Her hair used to flow past her thin shoulders and reach just the very tip of her elbow. It shimmered in the sunlight and when it was drenched by the rain, it only served to intensify the gold flecks in her earnest eyes. When a comrade commented on the length of her hair, Petra would only laugh in embarrassment and say that she was trying to grow it out.

Auruo didn't care about the length of her hair as long as it wasn't tangled up in the 3D Manuever Gear or in the filthy hands of a barbaric titan. Her very presence was enough for him. He would always know whenever she was near him, because every time he turned around, she would be there. However, he would have an almost irrepressible urge to run his fingers through her hair despite how much he claimed he didn't care about her hair.

Trainees desperately honed their skills in order to have a place in the top ten, because only then they could live in the false security and safety of the inner walls. At first, it was tempting for Auruo to join the military police when he finally secured his spot in the top ten. He would no longer have to starve from the lack of food, but even more than that, Petra would be safely behind the inner walls as well. The two had never interacted with each other as trainees because of the intense training, but now Auruo would surely have more opportunities.

With her hand on her heart, she had sworn her utmost loyalty to the scouting legion with her head held up high. Her eyes did not waver, choosing only to stare at the bleak future in front of her. It was a mesmerizing sight for Auruo. Whenever he caught himself watching her, he would mentally defend himself by claiming that he only had a crush on her, but at that moment, he could no longer deny that he had fallen in love with her.

He shouldn't have been surprised at all by her choice. She held the top score in their squad and the military officials had commented on her potential from the first day of training. She could gracefully fly through the air as if she had wings. Even while the rest of the trainees screamed in terror, not once did Petra look down.

So Auruo had also joined the scouting legion, standing behind her with his hand on his heart. It wasn't for the king, but for her. He had a desire to be there to continue watching her, even from a distance, and perhaps even protect her if she ever needed it. Irvin's broad face had smiled at the few remaining graduates, commending them for their bravery, but Auruo had only noticed the short man with the scowl behind the commander. It took a moment to place the man's face, but Auruo finally recognized him as humanity's strongest soldier, Rivaille.

* * *

From that day, it broke Auruo's heart whenever he heard Petra speaking about the corporal. She had admired him since the time Rivaille's name was beginning to be uttered in a reverent tone. She knew pieces of his dark past, something about being an infamous thug, but she had accepted his past with an understanding smile, never hinting to Rivaille that she had any knowledge of it, and continually served under him eagerly.

It didn't come as a surprise to anyone when Petra was handpicked by the corporal himself to be in his special squad. With her unsurpassed titan kill record, top graduate position, and loyalty to the corporal, it was almost as if Petra was born to become his companion. She would always be by his side so naturally.

But the day it was announced that she would be part of his squad, she had chopped off her hair. It brushed the tips of her shoulder, and when Auruo had inquired about the change, she had averted her shy eyes and explained that the corporal had suggested hacking it off so it wouldn't get in the way with combat.

Auruo spent over a year attempting to befriend Petra, but he couldn't reveal to her about how much he cared about her. He had to put on a brave mask to hide that he had been frightened to join the scouting legion. He had no wish to die in the mouth of a titan, nor did he wish to be ridiculed by the military police and merchants. All he wished for was Petra's safety and most importantly, her smile.

Still, Auruo could not bring himself to regard the corporal with bitter feelings, for he also admired the corporal. The man was truly a noble soul, genuinely caring about the lives of his soldiers even if he did not openly show it. Under the corporal's command, Auruo believed that the titans would one day be exterminated as long as the corporal lived.

* * *

On Auruo's first expedition outside the walls, he had brushed death when a titan captured his arm in its hand. He had only managed to escape by a stroke of luck, but the formation had been pushed aside when a deviant titan suddenly appeared in front of the right flank. In his haste to slice off the titan's fingers, he had dulled his blades and could only try to escape.

He only looked forward, not wanting to know how close the titan was, when Petra flew through the air with a determined gaze. Auruo had panicked when he saw the titan almost capture her, shouting as loud as he could that she should be with her commanding officer as she dodged the titan. She yelled back that she was worried about him because of the lack of signal flares, and the titan took advantage of her distracted state, successfully swatting her sword away from her hand to the ground with a clatter.

Weaponless and scared, the two immediately began to retreat, searching for any comrades from the right flank. Petra was slightly ahead of him, effortlessly dodging the trees in the forest. Auruo sighed in relief because she was in his sight but inhaled sharply upon feeling the breath of the titan on the back of his neck.

He couldn't help what happened next. He lost control of his bladder.

Petra's voice rang through the forest, screaming Auruo's name. He answered back in an unconvincing confident voice, confirming his safety, as he swerved around a tree in order to narrowly dodge the titan's open mouth. When he looked back, it was to his horror when he discovered the titan had ignored him in favor of Petra. He could not possibly speed up in time to reach her.

In desperation, he decided to use the remainder of his gas supply to reach her when Erd appeared, taking out a chunk of flesh in the titan's weak point with deft precision.

"I knew you two were new," Erd chuckled as he examined his work, nodding in approval. "But I would have never expected you two to both piss your pants on your first expedition."

"Shut up, Erd!" The two mortified soldiers yelled in union and crossed their legs in a useless attempt to hide the stain.

From that day on, Rivaille's squad had been formed with Auruo by Petra's side, and the two had been brought close to each other by the same shameful experience.

* * *

The mission may have been to protect Eren Yaeger outside the walls, but Auruo gave no indication that he heard it.

Petra was too nice to the kid in Auruo's opinion. The new graduate could shift into a legitimate, towering titan, but instead of allowing Hanji to experiment on him or locking him up in hopes of discovering _something_, the scouting legion was going to leave on an expedition with the new graduates. On top of that, the most talented squad of _all _time, under the command of_ humanity's strongest soldier_, was supposed to_ protect _the aforementioned titan shifter.

_Great._ Auruo placed a hand on his head, waiting for Petra to finish speaking with Eren. It was only the kid's _first day _and already she was paying more attention to Eren than she had ever paid attention to Auruo.

Auruo kicked a rock, wishing he could kick Eren in the head.

Maybe Auruo should have given up on Petra a long time ago. She would have never looked at him the same way she looked at Rivaille. Petra, for all her natural instincts and talents, had never noticed Auruo's eyes watching over her or the kind smile on his face whenever he did. She would be too occupied with Rivaille.

It would certainly hurt less, watching her fall into danger and knowing that the only one capable of protecting her was Rivaille.

"Why are you imitating heichou's speech?" Petra asked him suspiciously as Auruo sat on the concrete steps, now waiting for the horses to arrive in time for the graduates to grow accustomed to them. "You never used to speak like this."

"What, me? I'm speaking like I normally do," Auruo shrugged his shoulders and tried to arrange his features to resemble Rivaille's usual expression, which was a mixture of irritation and boredom, but Petra only laughed in amusement.

Perhaps Petra was known for her excellent combat skills and her quickness in battle, but she was excruciatingly slow when it came to his feelings. Auruo had to resort to imitating Rivaille just so _maybe _she could notice him instead. After all, he was the only who had eyes for her from the very start, not the corporal.

* * *

The Female Titan shouldn't have been able to regenerate her eyes and regain her sight for at least a minute, but not even thirty seconds had passed and Erd had been killed.

Auruo only remembered shouting Petra's name in vain, needing her to escape the wrath of the Female Titan. He depleted his entire supply of gas to burst through the air, trying to hinder the Female Titan's path, but he can only see the wide eyes of the girl he loved more than anyone else in the world before she is smashed mercilessly against the truth.

Momentarily, he can only stare at her figure, desperately willing her to stand up, desperately willing her to be _alive_. Her body rested there with her neck awkwardly craned up, and he gulped as he forced himself to face reality and accept the truth.

Petra was dead.

The only girl he had ever loved in his entire life was dead and he couldn't protect her. He had sworn to himself that he would always protect her and that he would gladly sacrifice himself for her, but he failed. She was no longer alive.

He couldn't care about his own life anymore, not when she was dead. He was almost out of gas, so he recklessly raced towards the despicable titan, yelling Petra's name, needing to avenge her death at the very least. He pointed his sword at the nape of her neck, and—

His sword cannot penetrate the skin.

Before death arrived as the Female Titan's eye locks onto Auruo's hopeless eyes, he hears a lost comrade's voice in his mind.

_"I heard that right before you die, your whole life flashes before your eyes."_

Auruo wasn't a fool. He knew he no longer had a chance to avenge Petra and he will have to entrust that task to Rivaille. But instead of the speculated flashes of life through his eyes, he sees a glimpse of Petra in a wedding dress with her breathtaking smile.

_Ah. It must have been…lost dreams…_

Auruo started to relax his eyes as he strained to focus his gaze on the image of Petra, already awaiting his impending death. The part of his brain stubbornly attached to his fighting instinct noted that the Female Titan surged through the air towards him, but he doesn't care.

_After the titans were exterminated, Petra…I wanted to propose to you…_

Before his eyes permanently closed, the vision expanded to show that Petra's lovely face was full of happiness, and he was by her side.

_That must be it…lost dreams…_

_ Hey, Petra…maybe we can be together in the next lifetime…or as ghosts…as long as I'm with you, I'll be happy…I'd do anything to make you smile…_

_ Petra…I always wanted to tell you…_

Tears trickled down the side of his relaxed face as he gently murmured her name, feeling at peace that he will always be by her side.

_…I love you…_


End file.
